And now, as I sit to write this down, they've finished their snack and are happily playing. Reece quietly doing the shape sorter that Ella still struggles with, and Ella, playing with a stuffed toy and a car thing that Reece has grown out of and it clicks. "She's so far behind"
I looked at her perfectly round face, and her beautiful nose, with its wide bridge, her eyes, set wider apart. I looked closer at the folds in the corners of her eyes, and I looked at her cute little ear tag, I noticed her tightly held fists. I thought about all the people that commented on her cry, the woman that poked her head into Ella's pram when she was just new baby exclaiming "oh, it sounds like you have a cat in there!" Genuinely surprised to see it was my baby instead. All the jokes about how I spent too much time with my cat while I was pregnant because Ella sounds like him. This medical book, written long before Ella was born, was describing her features perfectly. The book feeling like it weighs a million tonnes on my lap, to mach the weight I felt in my heart.
With Ella's behaviour spiralling out of control and her self harming becoming worse, after talking to her paediatrician, we have decided to try medications to help her. here's what I've learnt so far. People are judgemental turds
Having a special needs child has been a journey unlike anything I could have imagined, there's Been the lowest of lows, but also the highest of highs. Ultimately Ella has taught me so much, and having the honour of being her mum has been so rewarding. Here's what she's taught me.
7 years ago I was still sitting in hospital, with my tiny baby that was born 3 weeks earlier, with no answer, no hope and no idea. The drs had just started talking about genetic testing, I felt like a child, lost and alone.
What I wish I'd been told about having a baby after a special needs child. The decision to have a baby after Ella was not one I took lightly, there was just so much to consider. Read more here.
I've often written and talked about the feeling of isolation, and being alone as a special needs parent. After last week's post focusing on that, I got asked by a few people "well Melanie, it's all very good to whine and moan about it, but how do we fix this!?" Well, after speaking to a few other special needs parents I've put together a simple list of what to do! We may not fix the world, but with enough shares me might make one trip to the park better for one kid. And that's good enough for me!