It hit me like a freight train. It was just like any other day, nothing new or exciting, a tiny little things just just set it off. It seems the grief is never ending, it just coming in waves.
For some new mothers, they slip into motherhood effortlessly, Toting their tiny babies around in clean prams, with perfect hair and pre-pregnancy jeans, sipping chai latte's and chatting. For me, Cafe's and Latte's got replaced with hospital canteens and cheap coffee, coffee dates turned into appoinmappo after appointment, oohing and aahing over my baby replaced by "whats wrong with her" and a thousand questions I couldn't answer.
Most nights before bedtime, I try to do some kids yoga with Ella. It's a great way for her to unwind, and also great for her balance, which she still has a lot of trouble with. Sometimes she'll even do it herself, as Ive got the photo visuals laminated on her wall! I'm sharing this for 2 reasons, 1 - because it makes me look like a fantasic parent, and 2 - because I feel guilty that a couple of hours ago I lost my shit because Ella did not want to get dressed, which then caused a naked meltdown of epic proportions that lasted nearly an hour and ended with both of us in tears, proving I'm not, in fact, a fantastic parent, most of the time I'm pretty fucking mediocre. Just like yoga, It's all about balance... 🤷 cont...
Not going to lie, this one was tough to write. My two biggest losses in life, my father, and a child that never existed. - How I deal with grief.
Physical vs emotional tiredness. So, I have a secret - My 8 month old Doesn't Sleep, but nothing quite compares to the tiredness that comes with a special needs child. Here's my 2am ramblings about why.
I came across this article a while ago and I wanted to talk about it. The article addresses why so many special needs mums 'don't work'. That is, don't work outside the home. the work that goes on behind closed doors is something people that haven't been in the situation probably don't understand. All mums Rock, and we should just stop with the judgement.
Reality Check - There's nothing wrong with being realistic when thinking about the future for my special needs child. - and here's why... You can hope for sunshine, but still pack a damn umbrella.
I'll never forget when Ella started at mainstream kindergarten, and we walked out with all the other kids and their parents, the excited chatter all around us as kids breathlessly described their first day, noise surrounding us, and consuming me, as I headed to sit in the car and read about Ella's day, as written by her aid in the communication book. There was 4 sentences. It was never as bad as that first week, I got used to it.
What I wish I'd been told about having a baby after a special needs child. The decision to have a baby after Ella was not one I took lightly, there was just so much to consider. Read more here.
I've often written and talked about the feeling of isolation, and being alone as a special needs parent. After last week's post focusing on that, I got asked by a few people "well Melanie, it's all very good to whine and moan about it, but how do we fix this!?" Well, after speaking to a few other special needs parents I've put together a simple list of what to do! We may not fix the world, but with enough shares me might make one trip to the park better for one kid. And that's good enough for me!