Since before he was born, I knew Reece was going to 'overtake' Ella at some point. I did kind of think it would happen all at once, but to be honest it wasn't like that at all. No lightbulb moment, just gradual things.
My sweet girl, you are growing in front of my eyes.and I'm scared. I'm so bloody scared.I'm not scared of the things that most parents worry about, I'm not scared of first dates or moving out.I'm not worried about whether you'll make good choices or get a good job.I'm not afraid of if you'll get… Continue reading Fear
I felt for her, I felt every word she said I felt it. The crushing loneliness, the feeling that no one understood, hiding bruises and bite marks from the latest meltdown. The isolation, not being able to go the the park and just sit and watch like other mothers do. Tiny things building up and getting on her nerves - like still brushing the teeth of an 14 year old, and most of all the fear of the future. Who is going to look after my child when she's gone. Who is going to understand how to handle these outbursts. In the end she did the unspeakable - the unthinkable. I put the book down and cried my eyes out. What an utterly horrible and heart-breaking story to read.
When you made that comment to your friend as you walked passed. "Someone needs some disclipine" I looked up and only saw your back. "SHE'S GOT SENSORY ISSUES" I wanted to shout. But didn't. I had bigger things to worry about.
This morning I cried, quite literally, over spilled milk. Because I'm tired. And here's why that's ok.
I think about the phrase the day's are long, but the years a short, and while I most certainly agree, it feels like the last 9 years have flown by! But when I really think about it... well...
Poop... not something I enjoy dealing with to be honest, and as luck would have it Ella has had poop issues for her entire life. And she also has a tendency for 'smearing'. If you don't know what it is, it could be sensory seeking or behavioural, and its basically smearing poop. Its uncomfortable. Its… Continue reading Let’s talk about poop
It was my birthday, 12/12 - BIG 35! I told joel I want a special birthday this year, a full day to myself to relax, drink wine, bake, have a bath, watch movies. I was going to jam pack that day with ME TIME!
10am - I was baking scones when the phone rang. Ella's school number popped up on the screen. I hate to admit it but inwardly I groaned... I had a full day planned!!
"Ella's had a fall and chipped a tooth"
I told Joel I'd be back in an hour (Ella's school is 40ks away, about half hours drive) gave Reece a wave and off I went on what would turn out to be one of the worst days ever.
I felt like I was staring down the tunnel of forever, with nothing but blackness, there was no end, only darkness.
And then it happened
I was driving when it popped up on the dash
And that was it
The beginning of the end
Ella is turning 8, and today I had an epiphany I wanted to share. Most parents have a certain sadness about their children growing up, it just happens so fast! almost like you turn around and another year has past, you look back on photos and realise your baby, is a baby no more -… Continue reading Growing Older, Not Up